


cloudgazing

by pavses



Category: Naruto
Genre: Character Study, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 17:03:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14720102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pavses/pseuds/pavses
Summary: Shikamaru and Utakata nap on the same hill.





	cloudgazing

**Author's Note:**

> After watching the Utakata filler arc in Shippuden (I finally finished watching it in 2017 - I'm very late to the party), I was struck by how similar he and Shikamaru seemed and wanted to write something more about it. This is what became of it. A fun little character study to get me back into the swing of writing fic after putting it aside for so long.

“You’re in my spot, y’know.”

Utakata blinks when he hears the voice, sitting up and looking around. Someone with a spiky ponytail’s standing in front of him, shadow casting across Utakata’s body. “Your spot?”

“It’s a comfortable napping spot and I can see the sunset from here. I found it first, so it’s mine.” He sits down next to Utakata, legs crossed in front of him.

“I was taking a nap here when you – “

The stranger sighs and says, “I guess we’re sharing it today then.”

Utakata would prefer that no one shared this napping spot with him, but the newcomer lies down next to him, his head pillowed on his arms and one leg crossed over the other. His breath slows down and evens out, and Utakata finds that all his protests dies before he could voice them. At least he’s quiet. Utakata leans back down, one hand slipping inside the folds of his yukata to rest on his pipe – he isn’t stupid, after all.

–

The stranger was right – that spot has a beautiful view of the sun setting over the edge of the forest, the sky turning vivid red and orange for a moment before twilight falls and the sky’s a cold blue like the collar of his yukata.

He takes out his pipe and the bottle of soapy water, dipping the pipe in for a moment before blowing through it. The bubbles float away from him toward the forest, some of them popping when they brush too close to a branch. They look dim in the rapidly darkening night.

“They look nice.”

Utakata turns to look at his napping companion. “They look better in the daylight.”

The other makes to get up, stretching with a wide yawn and dusting the dirt off his pants. He turns to head off. “I’ll see you around,” he mumbles, hand in the air as Utakata watches him leave.

Given Utakata’s wandering, he’s doubtful that he’ll ever see him around, but it’s a nice sentiment all the same.

–

Except he does – and at the same spot.

The stranger’s there first, already laying down with his legs crossed and a piece of grass sticking out of his mouth. Utakata can’t find any identifying marks on his clothes – just a shirt and loose pants and sandals. His eyes are open when Utakata gets closer.

“You’re in my spot again.”

“This time, you’re in my napping spot,” Utakata says. He sits down anyway, taking out his pipe and his bottle of soapy water, letting a couple bubbles float away. “I guess we’re sharing it today,” he murmurs, blowing more bubbles and watching them float on the wind.

The stranger’s mouth quirks up in a smile. “I guess we are.”

They fall into silence – Utakata doesn’t mind. He prefers spending his days in silence, watching bubbles float and watching the world pass in front of him. The Rokubi seems to prefer the silence too, always receding into his consciousness without much fuss. The world was too complicated.

“You were right, the bubbles do look better in the daylight,” the stranger says softly, his eyes open and focused on watching them float away. He looks a little sleepy. “They remind me of clouds.”

“Clouds?”

“So carefree… just going where the wind takes them.”

Utakata looks at his pipe and considers the stranger’s words. He doesn’t reply, but he dips his pipe in the water again and blows on it, sending a small amount of chakra through it so the bubbles come out in a perfect circle before dispersing.

If the small use of chakra meant anything to the stranger, he doesn’t let anything show on his face. Even if it did, Utakata could defeat him if he had to.

“I want to live like a cloud,” the stranger continues, chewing on his grass. “Just floating through life, no responsibilities.”

“It sounds very relaxing.” Utakata leans back a little. “Sometimes I wish I could be on top of a cloud and see the world from so high above.” He doesn’t mention that he has seen the world from above – just inside a bubble.

“We would look like ants to anyone that high up.”

“We would,” Utakata agrees. It’s true. At a certain height, he can barely make out the individual specks of people.

That afternoon passes by in quiet. Utakata feels – content, maybe, but it isn’t the right word. He feels calm. The Rokubi’s quiet, and the world passes on. Even the ever-present sense of danger around every corner and tree isn’t there, and Utakata wonders if it’s the location of this secluded hill, too well-hidden for the Kirigakure shinobi to find.

–

The third time he runs into the stranger in this same spot, the stranger isn’t wearing his usual outfit. He’s wearing the dark shirt and dark pants favored by shinobi, with a flak vest on the ground next to him. He smiles wearily when he sees Utakata walk up the hill.

“You’re a shinobi,” Utakata says flatly. His hand wraps around his pipe in his yukata.

He tilts his head in acknowledgement. “I am. You are too.” He squints up at Utakata, who’s standing right in front of him. “Will you sit down? I’m not here for a fight.”

Utakata does, but his hand doesn’t leave his pipe. “You know as well as I do that that’s not always the most believable thing.”

The stranger shrugs. “We haven’t killed each other before today. I don’t see why that has to change.”

Utakata doesn’t reply, just takes out his bottle of water like usual. He senses that the stranger wants to talk – there’s something about him, a weariness in his soul that Utakata knows won’t go away no matter what happens. He feels the same weariness in himself.

His suspicions end up proving right.

After watching the clouds float overhead for a couple minutes, he starts talking, sitting up instead of lying down like he usually does. “I led my first mission a couple weeks ago. It didn’t go well. My team was hurt – a lot more than I was.”

“Are they okay now?”

“I – they’re safe now. I stayed in the hospital until they were to make sure.” He wrings his hands and for a brief second, that bored expression on his face is replaced by something filled with worry and concern. “They’re safe now,” he repeats.

When he doesn’t continue, Utakata prompts, “How did the mission objective go?” He’s not sure what made him speak up, but a part of him feels driven to help if he can.

The worried look comes back. “We failed.  _ I _ failed. We knew from the beginning that failing – and death – was a high probability, but having that actually happen… “

“It’s hard to be prepared for death and failure.”

“We’re  _ shinobi _ , we’ve been  _ raised _ to prepare for death and failure.”

“It’s a different thing when it happens to people you care about.” Utakata looks at the sky, at the bubbles popping out of existence high above them. “You can’t prepare for that, no matter how many plans you make and strategies you think of.”

He sighs, shoulders slumping. He doesn’t say anything more, and Utakata gets the sense that he’s done talking, at least for now. Utakata blows some more bubbles and sends it directly at him, using his chakra to make them stay still for a brief second in front of his face before letting them float up. He smiles again, still as weary as before.

“I came here to cloud-gaze after the doctors told me that my friends were safe and resting. Maybe if I focused on the clouds enough, I could float away from everything.” He laughs, but it sounds hollow. “Look at me – telling you all about my failed first mission as a team leader and I don’t even know your name.”

Utakata’s lips purse in a slight frown. He hadn’t even thought of that – the stranger’s name had seemed unnecessary when they spend most of their afternoons in silence. The silences felt comfortable, like when it was just him floating above the world in his bubble.

The stranger scratches the back of his head, brushing against his ponytail. “The doctors told me to talk to someone about this.” He looks at Utakata, and his expression doesn’t seem as weary as before. “I guess you’re someone.”

Utakata makes a split-second decision. “I want to show you something. Don’t move too much.”

His expression looks bored again, but Utakata likes to think that he can see slight confusion in his eyes. He pulls out his pipe and dips it into the water, and sends his chakra through his fingertips and into the pipe, blowing into it and forming the bubble he uses to float to new places. This time, it’s big enough to fit the stranger and his flak vest as well, the sloped walls of the bubble causing their bodies to press against each other. They float up.

Utakata can see him look around, eyes fractionally wider and he doesn’t bother hiding his reactions behind that bored expression. He experimentally touches the walls with his hand, pushing against it gently.

“Don’t push at it too hard. I’ve reinforced the walls with chakra, but it is still a bubble.”

He nods, moving his hand away. “Just like floating on a cloud,” he says softly, looking down at the land underneath them. They float idly by overhead, drifting on the wind without Utakata controlling the direction.

Utakata agrees, “Just like a cloud. Carefree and without responsibilities.”

Their hands brush against each other’s, and Utakata finds himself not wanting to pull away. He never thought about sharing this with anyone before (he’s never found anyone worth sharing this with before), but he thinks that – maybe it isn’t such a bad thing.

–

Utakata doesn’t know who the two men are that wear the red clouds on their robes, but he does know that they’re two of the strongest shinobi he has ever faced. The last thing he remembers before the darkness takes over his vision is that hill where he and that stranger with the ponytail would cloud-gaze.

He wonders if he was caught up in this whole mess. (Hopefully not.) For all that Utakata tries to avoid the politics of shinobi and the villages, he can sense something on the horizon, and he knows that those two men are part of it.

–

The small hill stays empty for a while.

–

The next time Shikamaru goes out to the hill to cloud-gaze, he’s not exactly surprised that the stranger in the blue yukata doesn’t show up, but he does feel a slight ache in his chest.

He’s years older now than the last time he saw him, after the failed mission to bring Sasuke back. His clothes are the same, his hair is the same. His face has more wrinkles and reminds him of his dad every day in the mirror (he both loves and hates it).

The war’s come and gone, and some days the ache in his bones never leave. He lies back onto the grass and he feels several of his vertebrae crack.

Shikamaru looks up at the sky and remembers what it was like floating above the world in the bubble – the way the people below looked like ants, the wind gently lifting them away from the hill, the way their hands brushed against each other. It was peaceful. For a brief moment in that bubble, Shikamaru could forget that he failed his team and failed in getting Sasuke back, and he wishes he could have that feeling back now.

He hopes, against all logic, that the stranger’s safe and floating in a bubble well above the world. Shikamaru closes his eyes, feeling the wind through his hair and brush over his skin and all the scars on it.

He feels a bubble pop on his nose, and he smiles.


End file.
